Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is the leading evidence-based approach in the treatment of distressed marriages. It is a proven road map for helping couples move closer to one another while working to resolve relational problems. EFT is distinguished by its attention to attachment theory (sometimes referred to as the theory of adult love) and the in-session creation of new relational experiences. The focus of therapy is on the couple’s interactional patterns, their internal processing of experiences, and especially upon their mutual attachment fears and needs.
EFT is not about becoming more emotional. Through the counseling process, EFT aims to enable you to recognize and handle your emotions more effectively. Emotion is a source of information about meaning attributed to ourselves and others. Because emotion is related to a lower part of our brain that processes fight or flight, it leads to the reactive behaviors that reinforce our negative relational patterns. Learning to tune in to and trust your emotional experience opens a pathw
ay for breaking free of old patterns and creating new, more satisfying responses in those difficult moments with your partner. Rather than becoming panicky and hyperactive in the pursuit of your partner or defensive and aloof in a self-protective move, fear is replaced with a sense of security and safety. This new confidence allows for self-exploration and the emergence of new possibilities.
EFT therapists focus both on the couple’s interactional patterns and how they process their experiences. The approach consists of three phases; a de-escalation of the couple’s emotional reactiveness, a restructuring of the of their bond, and then, a fortifying of their new style of relating to one another. Challenges will become less troublesome as you begin to experience your marriage as a safe haven and secure base.