“Every time we make the decision to love someone we open ourselves to great suffering because those we most love (have the potential to) cause us not only great joy but also great pain.”

– Henri Nouwen

Will counseling help my marriage?

Ask any veteran couple and they will tell you, “A good marriage takes work.” The vast majority of couples experiencing divorce never seek counseling to help with their issues. Unfortunately, even those couples who do seek marriage therapy generally wait six years from the first signs of distress. In my experience, couples at this stage tend to have deeply rooted negative patterns that end up taking more time and effort for change to occur.  The obvious conclusion, then, is the sooner a couple seeks help, the better chance they have for counseling to aid in improving their relationship. So, if your are wondering how to tell if your marriage is in trouble here are a few of the distress signals indicating the potential need for marital therapy?

1) Difficult conversations lead to the same negative patterns of escalated emotions and shutting down.

2) Certain topics are avoided because they tend to end in unresolved conflicts.

3) There is a prevalent sense of alienation and isolation in the relationship.

4) Infidelity (sexual or emotional affair, pornography) has been committed or considered.

If you are experiencing any of the above dynamics in your relationship you could benefit from seeking help from an experienced counselor. Trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, I have helped couples work through issues involving unresolved conflict, infidelity, distrust, addiction and intimacy. Even if you are on the brink of divorce counseling may be able to help recover and begin to build a healthier, more satisfying, and secure relationship.