Do you find yourself caught in a cycle of constant conflict over the same issues? Do you live with a sense of isolation from your partner? When upset, do you struggle with the decision to risk being hurt attempting closeness or to remain distant and alone out of self-protection? As you reflect on your relationship is it your desire to rediscover a sense of safe connection and intimacy with the person you love?
Marriage counselor’s past solutions of teaching couples communication skills and conflict management have proven to be less than adequate in producing lasting change. After a short period of success old habits tend to resurface. The result is a marriage overshadowed with dying hope and increasing despair. New research has emerged over the past two decades which offers renewed hope for distressed marriages.
Romantic love is not merely a commitment, nor is it a cost/benefits negotiation. It is an intimate bond that creates a sense of safety and security. When this bond is threatened a sense of insecurity and anxiety replaces the passion and peace. A negative cycle of conflict, blame, and withdrawal ensues. In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), rather than see one or the other partner as the problem needing to be fixed, the relationship itself becomes the client. With EFT, marriage counseling is an exploration of a couple’s pattern of negative interactions and the rebuilding of trust which eventually lead them to a renewed, or possibly a new, sense of comfort and ease of being wholly present with each other. Studies have shown that with EFT couples not only renew the romantic bond during the process of couples therapy but, long after completing therapy, they continue to grow in their sense of security and satisfaction in the relationship.